Long ago but not that far away, there was a kingdom with a country club known as Republicanland. The people there were prosperous. They sent their children to schools that taught things like evolution and separation of church and state and how the universe actually worked. The people there lived in rambling houses, drove Cadilacs and Lincolns, and complained about their tax brackets over three martini lunches paid for by their expense accounts. The people were mostly happy and even played golf and tennis with people voted Democratic.

Then, one day a dark shadow fell across Republicanland and that shadow was called Watergate. The people of Republicanland were mortified and saw their fortunes in danger. What if the shadow never receded? What if they had to live in its coldness and without the sun forever?

It was clear it would take a shining knight to rid the land of the shadow and that knight was going to need a lot of help, more help than the people of republican land could give. So the leaders of the land went to the Kingdom of Reactionaries, Racists and Zealots and struck a deal with the evil wizards there. In return for letting the RR&Zs into the gated communities of Republicanland, the RR&Zs had to use all of their power to support and defend the shining knight known as Ray Gun. The RR&Zs agreed and the leaders of Republicanland were overjoyed.

As the leaders went back to their sprawling ranchhouses, tennis courts, and heated pools, the wizards smiled and laughed for they knew once inside the gated communities of Republicanland, that kingdom would be theirs.

And that is just what happened.


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