Reading a Bedtime Story to a Libertarian: A Play in One Act.

STORYTELLER (ST): Are you ready for your bedtime story?

LIBERTARIAN BOY (LB): Sure am.

ST: All righty then. How about LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.

LB: Oh I like that one.

ST: OK. Once upon a time there was a little girl named Little Red Riding Hood. One day her mother gave her a basket of goodies to take to her grandmother’s house deep in the forest.

LB: What kind of goodies?

ST: Oh, all kinds. Candies and tiny cakes and tasty savories, all bundled in a checkered cloth and tucked into a wicker basket. Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother’s house …

LB: I Like tiny cakes and savories. I can not think of anything I like more than Tiny Cakes and Savories.

ST: They are good. Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother’s house …

LB: Do you think the grandmother will give LRRH any of the cakes and savories?

ST: I’m sure she will. Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother’s house …

LB:Well it really wouldn’t be giving her the cakes and savories. I mean, she did walk all the way to Grandmother’s house to deliver the cakes and savories so she earned some for her trouble. It’s not like she just showed up at her Grandmother’s and after putting in no effort at all, just took the cakes and savories like it was her entitlement.

ST: Are you finished?

LB: Oh yes. Please go on.

ST: Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother’s house …

LB: Now of course if once she gets to Grandmother’s and her cousin is there with even better cakes and savories, LRRH shouldn’t get any of those because she didn’t bring those. Only Grandmother and the cousin should get those, because the cousin brought those.

ST: <clears throat> Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother’s house …

LB: The only way LRRH could get the better cakes and savories was if she did some kind of service to earn the better goodies, like set the table or unpack the basket or maybe do the washing up after they had all eaten.

ST: <Glares at LB for 96 seconds and then quite loudly> Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother’s house …

LB: That’s what I would do. I would work and earn the better savories and cakes. I suppose the Grandmother could just give LRRH the cakes and savories as charity. That is acceptable but only if LRRH didn’t coerce the Grandmother in anyway. And you don’t want to be too generous with charity. Makes people lazy and they won’t work. But I love cakes and savories too much not to be willing to work for them, so I would always have cakes and savories, even when there weren’t enough for everyone, even when there weren’t enough for the people who worked because I would work just that much harder and beat the competition.
Oh Storyteller, what a big .357 magnum you have!

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